i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
As shirtless as possible
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
