I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
