...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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