help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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