why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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