At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It's blow job season.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
