It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
