today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
