The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
