you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize