i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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