Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
