Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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