We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
