i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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