I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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