You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
