Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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