to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
my shit smells like andre
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
