last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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