you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize