last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
