Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
