I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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