Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
