C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
