dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
