So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
