Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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