I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Screwed.edu
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
