Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
