Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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