I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
