Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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