the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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