Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
