the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
