Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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