I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
