How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
