It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
