Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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