Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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