You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
