she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
