I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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