Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
