the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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