If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
