Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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