I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
