This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
