Your face is a jimmy john
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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