they need to just BURY HIM!
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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