You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I AM VODKA MAN
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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