so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
