I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
