hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
