You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
i believe in u and ur pee
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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