Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
