So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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