She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
