im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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