Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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