I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize