New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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