I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
