exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
