im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Sex in the backyard? Check.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
