Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
