Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
