they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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