By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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