I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
