i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
