peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
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