If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
