hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Randomize
