So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
