Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
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