she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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