if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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