The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
