I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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