I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
