oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i think i have herpe
just one?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
