i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
