I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
