Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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