Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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