i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I would ride that face into the sunset
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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