I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize