well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
