moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
