If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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