you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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