i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
