dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize