Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I wish you could order shots online.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
