hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
